The Singer Songwriter Live: What's Missing?

I was perusing Jeff's Songwriting Blog and I found a little critique of a songwriter's performance. No names were mentioned to protect the innocent. Yes, that sentence was ambiguously written on purpose.

Show Review

Go on over to my myspace page and read the review I've posted there. I tried several song I've posted here, and I think they went pretty well.

Here's the blog entry. If the link doesn't work, just visit the first link above and then view the blogs there.

One Cut Too Deep (2005)

A few years back the older girls had a couple friends who practiced a form of self-harm called cutting. I had the chance to talk to these girls and was, of course, equal parts amazed and horrified at the concept. It was some time later that the idea for this song came about.

I was sitting in Church one night and had a pad of paper with me. As I listened to the class I started writing lyrics. The phrase One Cut Too Deep came out and almost immediately I began to see a very clear mental image of a room. In the room was a fictional girl who was actively cutting. The detail of the mental image was astounding to me. All of the imagery in this song comes from the mental image I had that night. I wrote down everything I saw as fast as I could. The original piece of paper is still in my file somewhere. Quite a mess! There are quite a few images I wrote down that night that didn't make it into the song. One was a poster of Kurt Cobain on one of the walls.

As I "looked" around the room I realized something was going wrong. This fictional character did not have the intention of killing herself (those who practice "cutting" rarely do), but something went horribly wrong. The image made me terribly sad. I kept writing.

Upon finishing the song, I made a recording of it. As I could not play the finger-picked guitar part and sing it at the same time, I overdubbed the vocals. I was pretty happy with the result, but never was able to play the song live in front of people. Eventually, I had the opportunity to play the recorded song for a couple of the girls that had, by then, stopped cutting. One particular girl, scars still visible on her forearms, sat at my computer and began to sob openly as the song played. When the song was done, I asked her if I had gotten it right. She answered "yes" and then hugged me. The song seemed pretty unimportant all of a sudden.

So now, two years later, here is a somewhat different version of this song. It's recorded on my little digital recorder in one take. The original finger-picked part is heard as an introduction in this version. This take is not so much about playing a "finished song" as it is about exploring melodic possibilities in the lyrics/singing. That's why you'll not hear me singing the verses the same way most times. I had previously sung them all exactly the same when I originally wrote it. Seemed to me now that the song needed some melodic improvement. Perhaps I'll play this one out sometime soon and eventually settle on a melody that suits the song. I've been waiting two years to experience an audience's reaction to this one.

Maybe soon.
J

One Cut Too Deep.WMA [2007 scratch recording]

One Cut Too Deep (2005)
words and music by John Natiw

VERSE
Fist closed tightly
She braces for the pain
The edge of frustration
Opens virgin skin

Cold steel warms quickly
As blue turns to red
Blade falls gently
Light flickers overhead

She only wanted to hurt
Didn't mean to go this far
Just to feel something worse
Or leave another scar

Moments of emptiness
Grave consequence to keep
Precious soul flies away
Body goes to sleep

CHORUS
Can't undo what's been done
And now she's gone...
One cut too deep

VERSE
Voices of children
Crawl underneath the door
Blood falls like teardrops
Through cracks in the floor

Nothing left to feed on
Her demons finally die
Angel at the window
Hangs her head to cry

CHORUS
Dreams fall to the ground
And now she's gone...
One cut too deep

VERSE
Suddenly peaceful
She doesn't feel a thing
No disappointments
Or things that might have been

No explanations
Or farewell notes to find
Reasons are lost now
Forever in her mind

CHORUS
Soon comes the dawn
And now she's gone...
One cut too deep

Can't undo what's been done
And now she's gone...

Testing Your Songs Live

Well, here's goes nothin'.
I'll be playing a song I wrote this week, live, Sunday night.
Yep. Then I can just see how it flies.
As long as I can remember the chord changes...

I'll be doing three song I've placed here on the SA:

I Can't Get Over It
The Skeleton of the Rocketship
I've Got News For You

(and maybe Don't Give Up as well)

Sunday Night, Bean Town, Sierra Madre, CA

I'm on at 7pm. I hear you can get some killer rates into L.A.X. this time of year.
:)

Cosmic Soda Machine

This is a song I've had for YEARS. It will be on the e.p. for sure. Tried and tested.
I finally did a simple rough recording of it this month...I didn't write it this month, but I wanted to share as a proud parent.


Cosmic Soda Machine
c2007 Steven Wesley Guiles

cosmic soda machine m1.mp3

Are you just my soda machine? My cosmic soda machine?

With some luck we'll get unstuck out of the muck and mire I jumped into
With some tears here's all my fears, please make it all clear
through the smoke and the beers, and those impossibly high one-way heaven mirrors


Are you just my soda machine? My cosmic soda machine?
I'll just stick my quarters in you, shiny and new, my cosmic soda machine


Well with your power and with your strength I should think that it'd be quite possible
For you to shrink my debt and then could you fix the leak in my bathroom sink?
Ok I admit I ask for a lot but look what I've got, it's really quite pitiful
All I need are a few more things, intagible nothings like happiness and patience and someone to love for the rest of my life...

Are you just my soda machine? My cosmic soda machine?
I'll just stick my quarters in you, shiny and new, my cosmic soda machine
Are you just my soda machine? My cosmic soda machine?
I'll just stick my quarters in you, shiny and new, to see what you'll do
my cosmic soda machine

God, help me to be thankful for the things I have got, and the things I have not

The Skeleton of the Rocketship

Man, tonight was cool! First, I see an email from John N. Then I go to the blog and realize not only has he posted, but Liza has busted up a song in video format no less.

Well, I picked up my guitar and started strummin', and I had three ideas that I liked, but nothing concrete. I went to grab one of my infamous yellow notepads and decided to start at least trying to sketch some words down to get me something to sing from. I noticed on the first page a note to myself about something my son had said while visiting our family in San Diego. He was playing on a playground piece shaped like a rocket ship and he said, "Look, the skeleton of the rocket". I think I wrote it down two seconds after he said it because it sounded like such a cool idea. An album title? A song title? A concept album?

I was stoked!

Well tonight I used that as the basis for this song that came pretty quickly. It seems to happen best when I'm just noodling around and I have an hour or so to let things develop. I was sitting in the backyard and the kids were playing making mud in the backyard with the hose. I wrote a song. Here it is.

The Skeleton of the Rocketship
c2007 Steven Wesley Guiles

skeleton m1.mp3

verse 1
Your bones are cold but they're on a roll
How did we get so old, so soon?

First we were seventeen and we had almost seen
all there was to see, so we thought

chorus
The skeleton of the rocketship
The heartbeat of the moon
The hurricane reaches out to embrace those that it wounds

verse 2
I thought you'd never change; you lived through so much pain
Forecast was always rain, but then you melted

You're like a mighty tree, just look at all those rings
What will you do to me? I think that I won't mind

chorus
The skeleton of the rocketship
The heartbeat of the moon
The hurricane reaches out to embrace those that it wounds

bridge
oh what if I could see you?
see you like you are
O, that I could reach you
Reach you where you are

chorus 3
The skeleton of the rocketship
The heartbeat of the moon
The hurricane reaches out to embrace those that it wounds
The stars grow arms and reach out to us
They have seen all they need to see
The skeleton of the rocketship has flesh and blood like me

A Response to Steve's Summer Goals

The other day I was reading Steve's Summer Goals and went to leave a comment. I wrote this huge rambling thing, but the site booted it before I could post it. Started to leave a comment again tonight and thought maybe I'd do it this way instead. Too much to say. Anyhoo... You/I/we should do this Steve! I know I've been talking about getting an EP/CD done for months.

As far as how to choose what to record, a friend suggested that I record one song at a time in the studio. Just pick one and go do it. Spend a half or whole day getting it done. First, it's easier to do it that way, and, second, it's more fiscally responsible. Eventually you end up with a bunch of recorded product that you can then decide what to do with.

With me, I sometimes think I "don't know how to play" these songs well enough to record in a studio yet. The only way I know to get through this is to play these suckers out. A lot. There are a few benefits to this approach. First, you get really good (proficient) at the tunes and, therefore, save money in the studio. Second, I think there is process of "finishing" that takes place. Listen to your first recording of a song and compare it to a recording of it after you've played it out for a year. It's different. The singing. The guitar/piano. It's closer to being "finished". Third, you get a sense of which songs folks really like (see previous paragraph). And, lastly, you're automatically building up a fan base who will, theoretically at least, buy the CD's you're about to make!

Anyhoo.... I've been thinking that I have enough songs to record. I've played out a few over the past year and have a couple new ones I'll debut in the next month or so. Maybe by the first of the year I'll have accomplished all the stuff I talked about above and be ready to start knocking these things out one by one. Wouldn't it be cool to have a nice CD to sell at gigs by spring-time? Sure it would!

Just went through my song binder and counted 25 songs that I know of that I've written since about November of 2004. Don't think I would have EVER had that many if it weren't for this blog. Thanks for the motivation everyone!

For the record (haha), here are the songs I'm thinking of recording (in approximate order I'd want to record them):

1. This Time (2006)
2. Jesus and John Lennon (2007)
3. Tiny Footprints (2007)
4. An untitled instrumental (2006?)
5. It's About Time (2007 & not coincidentally the working title of my future CD)
6. An Irish Love Song (2004)
7. That Water Came (2007)
8. Rivers (2007)
9. Stop the Rain (2006)
   
10. All We Need is Some Love (2007 and this one is gonna need some serious work... i.e. layers of sound).
11. One Cut Too Deep (2005, a song that has huge potential if I'll only go back and work on it and play it out a few times... great lyrics)
    

So there it is. Looks like I've got the makings of a CD after all! How about you Steve? Liza? Eric? Whatcha got?
J

something new

hey apples.

sorry I've been so not-posty, not-writey, and not-appley lately. My brother got married earlier in the year, and I was working on a book, and then I had surgery.... blah blah uninteresting junk.

What is interesting is that I unexpectedly wrote a song last week. Now that Dan (the bro) has moved out and taken his recording devices with him, I thought I was up a creek- until I remembered my dad's digital camera can do short film captures. viola. there is no mp3 recording, but it's youtubey.... so I present my latest apple pie, to the tune of "It's You" (lyrics below video).



It's You
words and music by Liza Swart

Whoa oh ho
Whoa oh ho
Summertime songs and summertime fears
I've got you on my mind
Things are much as they were last year
I guess I'm doing fine
But there's still one thing I don't know how to do
It's you
Whoa oh ho
It's you
Whoa oh ho

Looking at pictures to catch your smile
Look at you, laugh at me
Things were good, if just for a while
That's where I wanna be
But I know the truth, love, you know it too-
It's you
Whoa oh ho
It's you
Whoa oh ho

Here I am, I stand alone
Here I am, my heart, my home
It's only
It's only
It's you
Whoa oh ho
It's you
Whoa oh ho

-Liza Swart, 8/2007

The Story So Far...

We have a ways to go yet, but it looks like this Blog is going to live through its first year. December 21, 2006 is when this place came to life. We've all had a chance to contribute, sit back and read and even stay away from time to time. A few months in, after seeing we weren't going to get rid of him anytime soon, I talked to Steve and he agreed to act as "co-editor" of the thing. He's turned out to be the lifeblood of this Blog in some ways.

One thing that's been on my mind is how much or how little we each contribute to this good work. I know that in my personal situation, I can go a few weeks without posting. Seems to me there is quite a bit of benefit that comes with being a "co-author/contributor" here. Motivation, education, free publicity, entertainment, fun, friendship and fellowship are just a few. It also seems to me that we should all do our best to "pull our weight" when it comes to this work. Don't get me wrong. Steve and I are still willing to do all the heavy lifting (editing posts, trying to figure out how to host the mp3's, creating and maintaining a page for each one of us).

What we'd like is for folks to just breathe some life into the place from time to time. Doesn't take much (just look at some of MY posts). With this goal in mind, I've added a paragraph to the infamous "first post" (which is a sort of "constitution/instruction book" for this blog):

About the only thing we ask is that you contribute. We understand that certain times of the year may be hectic (the holidays, summertime). With that in mind, we only ask that you go no more than 90 days without a post. Doesn't have to be a new song. Could be a useful website you've found, a photo or video that inspired you or even a rant about how uninspired you are! If you're not writing... cool. Just stop in and tell us. Let us know what's up. Let us encourage you!

If we don't hear from you for 90 days or so, we'll just assume you've gotten too busy to contribute or maybe your priorities have changed. That's cool. It happens. In the meantime, let's all do our best to make this a thriving/exciting place for songwriters. If you have any ideas on how we can improve this work, drop us a line. We certainly don't have all the answers.

So come on in, write a bit, sit back and listen... whatever feels right.

Thanks,
John

How Does Billy Corgan Put His Pants On Every Day?

First one leg, then the other. Then a shirt.
Then he writes a song.

Constructive Editing

Couple things about the song I posted last night, Tiny Footprints...

After playing it a few times today I realized it was too long. Even for a solo artist/performer such as myself I felt like the audience would drift off with each ensuing verse. When I was writing last night, I though it would be cool to repeat the third line of each verse and then slightly change the line with each succeeding verse. Today it just looked and sounded like I was saying almost the same thing twice in each verse. So...

SNIP!

I reduced the lyrics by almost half. A very drastic, hard and rare thing for me to do, but when I played the song again... viola. Seemed to hold my attention much better as the subject matter moved along nicely now (not to mention that it comes in at around 3:45 now... ideal if you ask me). Also, there are small instrumental breaks in between some of the verses. This one just didn't seem like it needed a chorus or bridge, but we'll see.

Finally, I don't think the working title "Grandfather Song" will be the final title. I usually try to lift the title right out of the chorus. It's hard, with an A-A-A-A-A song to find a suitable title, however. A couple possible title ideas:

Tiny Footprints
Footprints on the Floor
I Wish That Time Would Just Slow Down

Here are the edited lyrics, btw:

Tiny Footprints (working title)
words and music by John Natiw

07_0821_Tiny_Footprints.WMA [scratch recording]

There are tiny footprints on my floor
I don't remember seeing them before
Ooh, I wish that time would just slow down
There are tiny footprints on my floor

There are just too many things to do
A lunch to make and then it's off to school
Ooh, I wish that girl would just grow up
There are just too many things to do

[break]

There's a strange car out there in the drive
I knew someday this moment would arrive
Ooh, I wish that boy would just go home
There's a strange car out there in the drive

Now the girl is all dressed up in white
Next to her is standing "Mr. Right"
Ooh, I wish the girl would just come home
Now the girl is all dressed up in white

[break]

She smiles at me and says that she'll be fine
The doctor says these things just take some time
Ooh, I wish the time would just fly by
She smiles at me and says that she'll be fine

There's the sound of crying down the hall
Emotions that I vaguely can recall
Ooh, I wish that time would just slow down
There's the sound of crying down the hall

[break]

(reprise)

There are tiny footprints on the floor
I don't remember seeing them before
Ooh, I wish that time would just slow down
There are tiny footprints on the floor
______________________________

UPDATE - Monday, August 20: Slept on this one again last night after playing it a few dozen more times yesterday with the lyrics edited. Much better. However, I'm still entertaining the idea of writing a bridge for this one, making it either a fairly common "A-A-B-A" song (e.g. Saving All My Love for You, The Way We Were, Yesterday, Somewhere Over the Rainbow) or maybe even a rarer "A-A-B-A-B-A" song (e.g. I'll Follow the Sun, Hey Jude, Long and Winding Road). Also, I'm not entirely sure that there doesn't need to be some re-writing done in the lyrics. I'll keep singing it and, hopefully, play it out live next month and get some feedback. Be back soon...
J
______________________________

UPDATE - Monday, August 20: Edit to add "Mr. Right" stanza.
J
______________________________

UPDATE - Tuesday, August 21: To add link to WMA file. Have a listen!
J

It's About Time!

Been awhile. This one came out of nowhere. Came out almost as is in about two hours. One unintended bonus is the fact that the lyrics seem to fit well with my intended CD title "It's About Time". Maybe someday it'll get recorded!

I'll try to get an mp3 up soon.

The Grandfather Song (working title)
words and music by John Natiw

There are tiny footprints on my floor
I don't remember seeing them before
ooh, I wish that time would just slow down
There are tiny footprints on my floor

There are water colors on the wall
A purple baby doll and yellow ball
ooh, I wish that time would just slow down
There are water colors on the wall


There are just too many things to do
A lunch to make and then it's off to school
ooh, I wish that girl would just grow up
There are just too many things to do

There are fourteen candles on a cake
the one that took all afternoon to make
ooh, I wish that girl would just grow up
There are fourteen candles on a cake


There's a strange car out there in the drive
I knew someday this moment would arrive
Ooh, I wish that boy would just go home
There's a strange car out there in the drive

Now there's someone knocking at the door
I don't remember seeing him before
ooh, I wish that boy would just go home
Now there's someone knocking at the door


There's five hundred miles left to go
I never thought a car could go so slow
ooh, I wish the time would just fly by
There's five hundred miles left to go

She smiles at me and says that she'll be fine
The doctor says these things just take some time
Ooh, I wish the time would just fly by
She smiles at me and says that she'll be fine


There's the sound of crying down the hall
emotions that I vaguely can recall
Ooh, [pause] I wish that time would just slow down
There's the sound of crying down the hall

There are tiny footprints on the floor
I don't remember seeing them before
ooh, I wish that time would just slow down
There are tiny footprints on the floor

For my dad... For a variety of reasons.
J

Dancing in the Midnight Sun: Perhaps My Crappiest Recording Yet

Can one justify making an important line in the chorus an obscure reference to something that happens in the Arctic and Antarctic on the basis that it rhymes well?

The answer is a resounding "Yes!" because in songwriting rules were made to be broken, dang it!

The events in this song may or may not be mostly or partly fictionally based on a weekend get a way taken by the song's protagonist/antagonist.

This is a rough rough demo. Sound quality= Craptacular

Dancing in the Midnight Sun chorus and piece of first verse
second verse

verse1
Remember when we went away?
The kids were fine with Gramma in San Diego
We drove back up the coast for two days
It was a weekend filled with hope and time to lay low


chorus
I don't see what this has got to do with it
I can't see why we aren't having fun
We can't sleep so let's try and make do with it
Who says that we can't dance in the midnight sun?
Yeah we'll do a waltz until the day is done


verse2
The first mistake was sitting on the couch
and watching hours of useless television
by then you'd had a headache and blurry vision
maybe some lasagna from Cosmo's kitchen
will make it all go away?


I will make a new post or edit this one when the songs reaches completion. But since the point of this blog (at least, one of its points) is to foster creativity, I'm ok with it in this form.

*Special thanks to Eric and April for the get-a-way house. I'm even thankful for the noisy laptop that had a microphone built in! :)

I Sure Didn't Invent It

Last summer I took a trip to Maui. I had 5 days there which was just enough time to catch up on sleep from all the extra work I did to get ready to take a few days off. But, needless to say, it was still great.

The best part about getting away is the clarity that comes when your mind gets to think about something new.

One of the things that I was thinking about was how the 'hula' started. Each movement is supposed to tell part of a story... Which reminds me of a story... A few years ago I had the priviledge of going to South Africa (stay with me here). One morning the group that I was with got up before dawn to go on a Safari ride through the Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park animal reserve (one of the coolest things I think I may ever do).

As I walked behind the group on the way to meet our guide, the sound was incredible. It was so loud. The insects and birds were all busy doing whatever they do and the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon. After a few moments I started to notice all the intricate rhythms and harmonies that were being produced by all these creatures. My theory is that this is why Africa is the birthplace of so much music... That's right. I said it. It's the birds' fault.

Here is a song that I wrote in response to my thoughts on all this in Hawaii last year. It was written for little kids (like kindergarten and under). I sometimes lead singing for the kids at my church and remembered my favorite kids' songs as I wrote this. Not a musical masterpiece, but the kids sure like it.

This is my take on how the rest of creation worships its Creator... And by the way, to answer your question, of course there are hand motions to the whole song. :)

The Birds Taught Me to Sing mp3

I am learning every day, to see things in a brand new way
The Lord has opened up my eyes to see creation's praise

And the birds taught me to sing
The waves taught me to dance
You teach me to love, you teach me to love, love, love

Every creature, everything has a unique song to sing
And we could learn a thing or two by watching what they do

And the birds...

The frogs taught me to hop, hop, hop
And the rooster taught me to crow
And the parrot taught me to share it with everyone I know

The sheep taught me to 'bah' (BAH)
And the monkey taught me to climb a tree
And the crocodile taught me to smile for everyone to see

The birds...

The fish taught me to swim
And the skunk taught me to be proud of who I am
And the puppy taught me I'm lucky to be someone's best friend

And the birds...

... you taught me to love, you taught me to love, love, love