Unicorn: The Other White Meat

As I have proven in the past, I am capable of truly cheesy, wacky songs.
This is one of those songs. (And it balances all of those overly serious, heavy songs I write on the flip side).

This song was inspired by THIS t-shirt. I own it. I wear it proudly.
My students either don't get it, think I'm a freak, or laugh quietly so as not to draw attention to themselves.

The opening acoustic guitar solo was inspired by Metallica's song "One".
The double bass drumming was provided by Looperman.
I think all the songs like this are inspired either by Adam Sandler's songs, Homestar Runner's SB Emails, or lack of sleep.

I don't care. I must create. And this is what I created.
I had fun with a program called Audacity in the creation process. It's free and has effects and everything. I use it to create Mp3s as well.

Unicorn MP3 Link
Unicorn: The Other White Meat
by Steven Wesley Guiles

Unicorn the other white meat
Unicorn the other white meat
Unicorn the other white meat...yeah!

Don't taste like chicken, don't taste like frog
it don't taste like chicken, man, it's not dog.

it don't taste like monkeys
it don't taste like elephant
elephants don't taste like chicken and they don't taste like monkeys either...

Chickens and monkeys and elephants don't taste like unicorn
(Unicorn the other white meat, unicorn the other white meat)
Unicorn tastes like..."not chicken"

La La La La Laaaa
I like chicken.



My brother Dave made a video for the song. It's here.

If for some reason, the song is not linked here, you can check out my brother and I's secret Ninja Rock Band, The Shirken Furies. We posted it there as one of our own.

It's So Embarrassing It Almost Hurts, But...

...I think I might post it.

Post what you might ask?

"We still haven't seen that song you were working on at 1 in the morning?"
"Yeah, Steve, what gives?!"

Well, yesterday I wrote a song, at school, in less than 27 minutes. In fairness I wrote the lyrics in 2nd period under the direction of my students who were demanding a second song. (The first song was "The Chicken Song", now a Mr. Guiles classic that has been anthologized by my students).

The title? Don't Be Hatin'.mp3, my foray into rap/hip hop that is sure to bring me some kind of award. Most Ridiculous Rap Ever Made or Why Most White Guys Aren't Allowed To Rap Unless They're Eminem.

It was my last day with one of my classes (the semester change) and they basically wanted to have a party. So, I decided to redirect that energy into music, which they were all excited to do.

One of my kids is always beating out hip hop beats on his desk, so I had him step up to the mic (a USB mic that I keep in my school bag for just such occasions) and make a beat. The class was totally into it. His first beat, unfortunately, was almost impossible to rap over because the timing was some sort of bizarre jazz thing. We did it again and I pounded it out with him to keep it in time. After we laid the beat I just picked up the mic and attempted to do some of the lyrics kids and I had developed a couple hours earlier.

This song has shoutouts, at least one beat box, and the lyrical sense of a junior higher.

My first try was pretty bad, so I did it once more. The attempt you hear is STILL pretty bad, but I've decided that I'm not afraid to look like a total dork, so here goes.

Don't Be Hatin'.mp3